What is Mental Health to you?

What is mental health?

So that question scares a lot of people doesn’t it?

Why ?

I never fully understood what it was either.

In more recent years I’ve completed the mental health first aid course , we run mental health training sessions in my Boxing gym too.

I was scared and embarrassed to ask someone if they were suicidal.

But the truth is a lot of us think about it don’t we ……..

When you think of mental health is it just negative?

It is for me but why should it be ?

Happy , hyper , excited is all our mental health too .

We had a good presentation with the schools I work with on mental health.

All emotions are your unique mental health.

The positive & the negative.

I never thought about it like that .

They explained the 5,4,3,2,1 when your in a situation your brain wants out of just run through it to calm you down .

5 things you can see

4 things you can hear

3 things you touch

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste or take a deep breath .

I am glad mental health is being addressed in schools these days.

For me as a person I know I created a box deep inside that I can store emotions in.

This is so I don’t need to deal with them.🤫🙄

I used to be fantastic and shutting people out my life so I couldn’t get hurt and just stuck their memories in that little Box.

That proves much harder as an adult though but the work I’ve done to open this is a good thing and I’m happy with the progress.

Apparently I done this at a very early age and it’s difficult to get into this box myself , never mind let someone else close enough to find out who I really am as a person.

Why the fuck I’m writing it here to post out to the world is beyond me.

Seriously though the last few blogs I’ve posted here have helped empty my brain and let me slightly move on from a few hard times.

I have tried different types of therapy from online stuff , reiki, massage , psychologist, hypnosis , AA meeting (as support), mental health meetings , EFT (emotional freedom technique which is tapping ) , I’ve probably forgot a few.

The most effective for me is Boxing training, running and EFT combined.

In my EFT sessions we are working on opening up this little box and trying to see if my younger self has something to say.

It’s pretty fucked up , emotionally exhausting, embarrassing, funny and heartbreaking all at the same time but I always feel the positive benefits from it.

The training or work keeps my brain busy and I don’t think about anything else.

Which usually ends in burnout.

I’m actually in my bed right now exhausted from a few tough weeks working and in the gym .

I don’t think I’m running from something or my emotions but who knows something might pop up soon .

I have my 5 years cancer free win next month on 19th on July so that’s a massive mental battle I’ve had for a long time.

I’d like to underline that and move on from it now.

This might not be posted by then right enough but I will try to be a little more consistent with it.

You can see the blog on that about the journey here. It’s pretty easy to follow and gives a real insight to what it’s like .

Just in my words though so don’t expect J. K. Rowling stuff . I’d love the magic train though - Hogwarts Express 😂

Yeehaaaaa

So back to the start - why did I create the box to suppress my emotions?

I’m not sure .

My parents were young , kids in fact at only 18 years old.

They didn’t have a clue how to be parents.

I don’t blame them.

I was 29 when my Daughter was born and I was petrified I’d be a crap dad .

I can’t remember early life that much .

My parents split when I was 4 .

Maybe my box protecting me !

I remember my sister being born , I remember always fighting at school , with my mum , my brother being born , fighting with their dad , nothing really scared me fight wise.

I’d have an attitude and fight the world just to get out the house or run away .

I done that a few times too.

Life was easy from my early teens.

It was just my mum and us 3.

I guess I had to grow up real fast and be the man of the house and try support my mum but she done the best she could and I’m grateful now looking back.

I was resentful to both my parents for a long time which was unhealthy for my brain .

I did eventually tell them both a few years ago and they were gutted to hear my feelings on things.

We never spoke of our feelings or problems growing up .

I’d get battered & grounded for something I done (I definitely done it 🤭😂)

then just go out anyway and do what I wanted.

It wasn’t a healthy way to be but it’s all any of us knew.

The other stuff isn’t for me to post to the world but it was pretty tough at times which gave me a bad attitude and a world of anger to get out on something (usually my poor mums walls & doors) or someone up town .  It took me a very long time to be able to stay pretty calm in any situation.

Becoming a Dad definitely opens your eyes. I'd do anything to protect my Daughter. The love you feel for that little person can never be matched. I'd say it changed me for the better . To try be a role model and show her how she should be treated by people in life.

I'm a push over though and she knows it - wrapped around her little finger ! 😂🤷🏻‍♂️

Her Mum was a massive positive influence in my life too. Fifteen years together. Of course we had our ups and downs and I could of tried much harder back then .

I'm grateful and will always have her back but I won't write any more about that as it's not just my story.

I know it’s a cheesy cliché but Boxing saved my life !

It helped me organise my brain and put things away on shelves that I could leave until later.

Visualise walking into a big fancy walk in wardrobe or store room (I think I’m in the store room from primary school that was scaffy as fuck 😂😂😂)

But you get the idea.

So slow down your thoughts and if you don’t need it , fold it like a towel and place it on a shelf .

No idea where I got that from , probably talking to someone about my coping techniques, but it works going through it in my head right now . 🤣🙄🤭

As a fighter I was focused on fight camp .

Even in my early days I wanted to win and be a better person.

This kept me on the straight and narrow with no distractions.

Weight cuts were horrible as an amateur but as a pro I regularly had to cut 2 stone in 10 - 12 weeks which is just STUPID .🤮😴🙄

Winning or losing was hard to take on board and be normal and back in the gym.

I had to understand what I done right and wrong even if I won.

A fighter is always his own worst critic so having your coach in your ear after a poor performance is soul destroying.

I probably stuck some stuff in that wee box so I could party and forget the world for a week or THREE 🤭💪🏽

Binge eating & drinking after camps sent my emotions into melt down .

Rollercoaster of fight and flight emotions now not being suppressed by work or training hit me like a ton of bricks .

This is where id spiral into a depressed state .

Self isolation remember is my safe space so bang straight back into that.

After a while I’d dust myself down and get back in the gym .

Ready to start another fight camp and focus on the end goal which was winning the fight……… to then party and spiral - what the fuck was I doing to myself !!!!

The pride and excitement of winning a fight lasts minutes in that ring for me and that feeling can never be matched in normal life , not even alcohol or drugs .

Believe me I’ve tried !

As soon as I step out the ring I’m just the normal person again and the achievement is shrugged off .

Probably with low self worth.

You don’t dare and get to big for your boots growing up in our area of Brucefield. Hahaaaaa

Trying to keep this blog short and on the mental health track .🙄😳😜

I know I get excited and side track. You should see me at work, 5 jobs at the same time getting heehaw completed. 😘

During my chemotherapy for stage 4 Hodgkin’s lymphoma I was dragged down some dark holes while in my bed trying to recover.

It was horrendous.

I couldn’t, eat , I couldn’t sleep and no way could I train in a gym .

All my coping mechanisms seemed impossible too.

The steroids they give you to help the chemo flood your body also gives you a crazy active brain.

I had 12 rounds of chemo over 8 months as I quit twice .

I felt like I couldn’t cope with it physically or mentally.

Obviously I got through it and done loads of work mentally to get over it which I feel is working.

We started a mental health group at the gym 4 years ago due to a few suicides in our local area .

It’s heartbreaking to know people think it’s the only option and they have no one or nowhere to turn .

It’s beneficial to talk .

I talk with our group twice a week and also open up to friends & family if I feel a change in my mood.

Regular EFT session which is essentially talking to someone about your feelings while tapping on the pressure points to try make a shift of some sort.

I take St John’s wort , a good multi vitamin and I start training again.

It all has a little positive effect on my mood then I’m back in a nice routine and everything lifts once again.

It’s a brutal cycle and I’m still learning to overcome it all but we take each day at a time , one thought at a time (that’s our mental health group name) and keep punching they bags to keep the anger & aggression at bay somewhere in that box .

I’m not sure I’ve finished this and might come back to it but it’s all I have to say right now. 😘

Until the next blog - thanks for reading and let me know what you thought.

Talk to someone if you’re down, easy for me to say these days but it was tough doing it all alone .

You don’t have to do the same .

Gordon